UPDATE ON THE MARTINI GLASS

Thanks for all your interesting comments regarding the case of the gorgeous martini glass.

I wrapped it up and sent it back to the author. Was that the best thing to do?
Not according to your comments. I think I will act differently next time and donate the item to a worthy cause.

AUTHOR RANTS--AGENT RANTS

Here's one for the "You Can't Please Everyone" files. This email came in tonight:

i send in my query with a SASE, and the best you can do is scribble a rejection on the bottom of my own query letter and send it back to me? that's not just rude, it's unprofessional; a professional would have had the courtesy to reject my query with a form letter. wassamatta- is your printer broken? unpublished writers don't merit simple human decency?

and you people are supposed to be in charge of public relations? shame on you.

This missive annoys me for several reasons:

1. It's Jon who "scribbles" on snail mail queries. He does it because he thinks it's more personal than a form letter. This person sent the email to me--I'm innocent here. I scribble my rejections via email and don't even deal with snail mail!
2. Authors tell us time and again how happy they are to find an agent who will respond to a query in ANY fashion. Many agents simply tell authors that if they don't hear back, consider it a rejection. I've been tempted to do that but Jon thinks it's tacky (and not very professional) not to respond.
3. I'm annoyed by the tone and attitude of this email. Somehow this author thinks we don't respond with "simple human decency"--pul-eeze! Human we are and we really bend over backwards to be decent!

OK, I think I'm done now. Just needed to rant and while the author certainly merited "simple human decency," I didn't think that email merited a personal response.

EMERGING FROM THE GLACIER

This winter has been one for the books. Up until a few days ago our sidewalk sported an ice wall on each side, compliments of a Pennsylvania 1-2 punch--snow, then freezing rain with resulting ice moguls everywhere. It's enough to make you use a steak knife on your partner. That's what a local lady did, according to our newspaper. She asked her boyfriend for a cigarette and when he said, "Get your own!" she stabbed him with a handy steak knife. Her excuse was the weather and that I can understand.

But, I digress. Today it's over 40 and ice is melting everywhere. Tomorrow it will be even warmer and I'm feeling pretty chipper.

But, let me apologize to all of you who are waiting for Jon and me to get back to you about your queries, partials and manuscripts. We are making progress, but we're still behind. Your patience is much appreciated. Why are we so behind? Is it the weather?

Can't use that as an excuse. It's simply that there are so many good writers out there and we're doing our best to sift through their work and to select those projects we think we might be able to sell.

The glaciers are melting, spring is forthcoming and we continue to work through the backlog.

SUPER-QUERY-WRITER-FOR-YOU

Just when I think I've seen everything, I discover, ta-da!! SUPER-QUERY-WRITER-FOR-U!!

Let me back up. I've been on a magnificent roll for the past week--dealing with a huge back-up of emailed queries and getting my responses down to under 4 weeks. (I'm now finishing up my November queries and am so proud of myself.) But, for the past few days I've been noticing an interesting phenomenon. I've been receiving clumps of queries for different books from different authors using different email addresses. HOWEVER, these clumped queries (sometimes as many as 8 0r 10 in a row) are virtually identical in their format, font and type size. Even the writing style of the queries is the same.

Let me explain how this works. I open query #1 for the day sent on November 10. It's a nice book, but not for me. I email my standard rejection and close and discard the rejected query. I open query # 2 from a different author with a different email address. BUT it's the identical format!! Same thing for queries # 4, 5, 6 and so on. Tonight I was really on a roll--I opened 10 of these in a row!

So what's the problem?

It seems to me that some nice authors are getting ripped off. I am assuming that these authors are paying someone to write their queries. And, to be fair, the queries are pretty good. They are brief and to the point. BUT the person writing them is sending them one after another to the same agent. Didn't that person think that it would begin to look a little fishy that all the queries look the same?

The problem is that this is annoying to this agent. I don't like it. I feel like I'm being played and soon, I stopped reading these queries and just rejected them because they were in that same confounded format!

I really don't have a huge problem with authors getting help with their queries. And, if they want to hire a pro to write a query for them, I can't complain. But, whoever is sending these queries is a bonehead. A great business idea, writing queries for a living. But, for heaven's sake, be professional about how you send them out!

Does anyone out there know more about this?

FLORIDA DAZE, WRITERS CONFERENCE & MICHAEL CHABON

Quiet on the blog front for oh-so-many reasons. Jon and I took a week plus to travel to Florida and check on his mom's property there. Between watching the sunrise over the river, feeding the turtles in the marina, and taking walks on balmy mornings, we oversaw the installation of new carpeting and a kitchen floor and spent hours in Bed, Bath & Beyond buying kitchen necessities like shelf paper, cutting boards and zesters. The home has no Internet access and we found ourselves reading more, going to bed earlier and calming down quite a bit. I can't remember when I've been so relaxed!

We got home in time to vote and now we're both ratcheted up to cope with the real world.

Last weekend we enjoyed attending the Montgomery County Community College Annual Writers Conference in Blue Bell, PA. The keynote speaker Friday night was Michael Chabon, Pulitzer Prize winning author of novels including The Yiddish Policemen's Union and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. I have never heard a more inspirational, powerful, or entertaining speech in my entire life. Chabon, who claims to truly enjoy the Q&A format, asked himself questions, a most clever way to tell us what he wanted to tell us. His comments ranged from the value of an MFA program (for him, it meant everything) to where he gets ideas (the easiest thing about writing--they are everywhere!). I felt myself tearing up during his speech as he talked about the magic and agony of writing. If you ever get the opportunity to hear him, don't pass it up.

I sat on the agent's panel where the audience of writers lined up to ask questions of me and six other agents. The questions don't change too much in my experience, although sometimes they are quite bizarre. There seemed to be much interest in self-publishing and many of the questions related to that: I've self-published a novel--will publishers still be interested? (Yes and no. It depends on you, the topic of the book and how many copies have sold.) I want to write a very nichey book on real estate fraud. Should I self publish? (Yes.) Other questions included one about a cookbook memoir, a very hot topic now, even without star-quality.

The first question to the panel was rather blunt: You all say you get 100s of queries a week--why are you here? It seemed obvious to me that the author was sick and tired of being whined at by busy agents and wanted to know how we had the gall to take time off from reading queries to immerse ourselves in the rich literary stew of the writers conference. One of the agents answered in kind: "You need to know most queries are crap!" The rest of us added that you can only read queries for so many hours a day--you need to take frequent breaks to recharge and get your head on straight. A writers conference gives agents the perfect opportunity to talk shop, hear new ideas and maybe find new clients.

After the agent panal Jon and I and the other agents interviewed authors in the typical writers conference "speed dating" format.

The MCCC Writers Conference is a classy affair, always held in November. I encourage you to think about attending next year.

AN HOMAGE TO BREVITY

brev-i-ty n. 1. Briefness of duration. 2. Concise expression; terseness.

That's today's word, boys and girls, and I'd like you to think of it when you compose a query.

I've spent the last few days (other than a 3-day break at the beach) trying to work through the queries that have built up over the summer. I'm finally putting June to bed and will be done with July soon, I wager. I've rejected many, which is just how these things work.

When Jon and I reject queries that don't interest us, that's not a fault of the query. Many of these are well-written, but the topics just don't grab us. Sometimes we like a query very much, but don't think we can sell the book. In the past few days I've rejected queries about child prostitutes, lots of teenage super heroes, an adult fairy tale, a mislead preacher, short story collections (we don't represent short stories), and four queries sent to me and scads of other agents as listed in the "To" box, which is an automatic turn-off and DELETE. Many of these queries were quite well-written and compelling, just off-topic for me.

But, lately, I've been slogging through l-o-n-g queries, consisting of many paragraphs that require much attention just to get to the point of the thing. I know I've mentioned this before, but it's so important, it's worth another discussion.

It's September first. Autumn is on the way. Time to act like a writer and make a promise that you will remember how many queries agents read each day. Then edit your content to make your query a stand-out. Remember the word of the day: BREVITY!

WE'RE STILL HERE!

Seven things we've done since our last post:

• Went to BEA


• Spent a week in the Great Northwest


• Went to a clown party in Seattle with Patch Adams (really!)


• Visited a ranch near the Cascade Mountains where kids with addiction problems work with horses


• Spent time visiting awesome tide pools on Oregon coast with son Joel--pink starfish


• Attended Robert's "graduation" from pre-K (believe it or not)


• Took on a cool new memoir (more about this later)


• Continued to read queries, partials, manuscripts--terribly behind again, but working to get caught up!

Something we've NOT done:

• Posted new blog entries

Stay tuned. We're back.

DO PUBLISHERS LIKE "ON DEMAND" BOOKS?

On March 19 “Mystery Writer” sent us the following comment:

“I have written a cozy mystery and am trying to get an agent with no luck so far. The ‘On Demand’ publishers are calling me and tell me that most publishers expect authors to publish ‘on demand’ before they will consider them. Is this true? What do other people think?”

It’s an interesting question and one worth discussing. I’d like to know which on demand publishers are saying these things. (I make the assumption that you all understand that “on demand” publishers charge the author for their services and the finished books and the price can be high.) My experience is that self-publishing (the old word for on demand) can work against a new author. Many agents and publishers do not want a book that has already been “out there,” preferring to work with new material. Having said that, the first two non-fiction books I sold had been self-published prior to their sales to big New York houses. Both of these authors were high-profile and media-savvy and their self-published books were selling very well.

So there is no right or wrong answer to this question. I have a feeling though, that many new fiction authors self-publish or go with on demand publishers for the wrong reasons. They’ve worked long and hard to finish their novel only to find that their work has just begun. It’s often harder to land an agent and a publisher than it is to write a book. So authors give in to the “instant gratification” and lure of the on demand publishers. “Hey, kid. Come with us. You’ll have a real book with your name on the cover in no time! You’ll be an AUTHOR!”

The self-publishing option works better for some non-fiction authors who often are building a platform and can sell their books when they travel the country, teach courses or give presentations. Their self-published book can help elevate their status and can attract the attention of agents and publishers who are looking for a non-fiction author with a large following.

But “Mystery Writer” is the author of a fictional work. I’d advise her to concentrate on making her book as good as it can possibly be. Hire an editor if you can or have a trusted literary friend give you feedback. Join a writer’s group and go to writers conferences where pros will often give you good advice. When your work is as good as you can get it, begin working on your query. Investigate blogs and websites to discover what works best in a mystery query. Then try again. After all, if you can’t find an agent you can always take the on demand bus at a later date. What do you all think?

DREAMING OF THE TROPICS

"It was the end of the world as she knew it,
and Kate Carmichael felt something short of
fine."
-- Alissa, First Lines Contest

We took off our agent hats and our publicist hats, put on sunglasses and SPF 15 and took off for Florida earlier this month. Jon's mother owns a little place down there and it was time to check on the property. Her home is in a "backwater" region of Florida with limited email access and, though I am the proud owner of a new HP Netbook, I did not use the great little machine to post a blog entry.

The weather was perfect for winter-weary souls--60s and 70s, most days. (The Floridians say it's "cold.") We spent most of our time cleaning, throwing out items and boxing up others that Mom can use up here. We were able, however to make side trips and enjoy the weather.

We flew back in a tropical rainstorm and arrived in Philly just in time to participate in a massive Nor'easter. "At least it's not snowing," grumbled Jon as he glared through the soaked windshield as we floated down Rt. 95.

Since we've been back we've been working hard to get caught up. We've requested several partials and a manuscript or two. Again, your patience is much appreciated as we plow through the projects.

I made an executive decision while we were gone. From now on I'll request emailed partials and manuscripts. I can load them on a memory stick and read them nicely on the Netbook. Saves paper and shelf space.

QUERIES AND FEBRUARY MADNESS

Nicole said...
Everyone jokes about the little devil

and angel on their shoulders;

my problem is that I actually

have them.

[Entrant in "First Line" contest]

Maybe it's because I've been plowing through email queries all morning or maybe it's because snow is coming down again and will probably never, ever stop. Whatever it is, Jon and I had "words" just now about queries. Turns out we have totally differing opinions about how to handle them.

"So," I said, "I'm going to write a blog asking our readers to do the following when they query me:

1. Put the word count and genre in the subject line of the query.
2. Write a first paragraph that represents the best writing you've EVER done and sums up your book perfectly.
3. End up with a few words about your qualifications and then--STOP!

What do you think of that, dear?"

Jon got that look on his face that usually means, are you nuts? or yeah, you are nuts.

"That's taking the wind out of everyone's sails!" he said. "I think writing queries is part of the creative process and by dictating your standards you're ruining the entire experience!"

"But," quoth I, "if they are sending said query to ME, shouldn't they know what my preferences are?"

"Of course all writers should learn how to write a query," he said. "There's an entire Internet out there where they can find out how to do that. Why spoon feed them?"

"It's not spoon feeding. It's giving them valuable information so that they don't bury their good ideas in unnecessary verbiage which ends up pi**sing me off so that I reject them within a few seconds. I'm not saying every agent wants queries delivered this way. I am the agent that likes things delivered this way!"

"I, for one, feel it's an agent's job to go treasure hunting to weed out the wheat from the chaff," said Jon (a bit smugly at that).

"That's because you don't have 300 emails waiting for you at this moment," I sniffed.

(Sigh) "OK. But as for me, I want authors to know that they should write the query the way they want--use their creativity and give it their best shot," he said.

"Fine then. I'll write the blog post with that in mind. For me, put the word count and genre in the subject line, write one powerful paragraph and a bit about yourself and then STOP. And, for Jon, use your best creative ideas."

Queries, can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. I think I'll go outside and make a snowman.

NEW YEAR'S GREETINGS TO THOSE WHO SENT US QUERIES IN 2009

How can we express our appreciation for your queries? It’s such an odd relationship we have involving hope, bravery, rejection and once in a while, a glimmer of something extraordinary—for all of us.

Most often, as we all know too well, our relationship ends before it can begin and we want you to know that we grieve for every “no thank you” we send. We are always amazed by your courage, your ideas, your talent and sometimes, your madness.

Sometimes we feel like psychiatrists when the query is a raw and bleeding cry for help—an attempt to work out childhood abuse, rotten luck in love, or appalling loneliness. At these times our inadequacy is so obvious and we wish we could reach out and help. But that’s not our job.

Our job is to try to find the needle in the haystack, the idea, the skill, the talent that may have what it takes to overpower a publisher’s cynical editorial board. It’s a daunting task, but one worth pursuing. Without all of you we would be nowhere and we want you to know that.

As always, we encourage you to keep trying. If we say no, another agent might jump at your idea. If we reject your book, it may find life elsewhere. Perhaps you need to rethink your premise, to rewrite your pitch and try again. Just know that we and many other agents support your efforts and really want it to work. We know how hard you struggle and we appreciate the work you do—even when we reject it so coolly.

The face of publishing is crumbling under our feet and turning into something different. We are all hanging on for our lives, trying to figure out what our roles will be in 2010. But one thing is certain. People want to read stories and good writing will never go out of style.

Happy New Year! Jon and Kae

JURY'S IN: IT WAS A HOAX

Most of you weighed in that the "simply too busy" author wrote her astounding query with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek. Perhaps the underlying mission was to poke at agents who had rejected her.

I hope it made her feel better. Getting form rejections is no fun at all, I understand. But, for most agents, as we've discussed on this blog, the other option is no response at all and most authors don't want that either.

We receive over 100 emailed queries each week. Can you imagine how many hours we'd spend writing personal rejections? We'd have no time to read OR to sell.

So, Ms. Simply Too Busy, suck it up. If you're a fine writer and you've written an exceptional book, some lucky agent will want you to be his or her special darling. Excellent writing trumps all.

Happy weekend to all my author friends!

"SIMPLY TOO BUSY...."

MEMO

TO: Our Loyal Readers

FROM: The "Just When You Think You've Seen It All" department

RE: A doozie of a query

DATE: Today

Breezing through email queries this morning--some good, some bad, one just right--when I received the following: "Please forgive this form letter, but I am simply too busy writing every literary agent in the publishing industry to take the time to inquire individually."

"Huh?" thought I. "Inquire individually? What the heck? Isn't that my name in the 'To' box? And she's 'too busy?' This is supposed to make me what? Pant for her prose? Pul-eeze!"

"Please furnish (she continues), under separate cover (Like an email under an email? Huh?) your contact information and submission requirements. Further, since I'm in communication with so many agents, please don't take this as a rejection of your abilities if I don't respond."

Now I'm really nervous! Will my "abilities" make the grade, cut the mustard, meet with her approval? What if I never hear from her again? How can I mingle in publishing circles, hold my head high or even continue writing this blog?

Comes the coup de grace: "As you know, this is a large and extremely active industry (really?)and I can only afford the time to correspond with those agents most closely aligned with my talent, genre and goals."

"Damn! I just don't think I fit the bill here, said I (quite gleefully)." DELETE.

So, what do ya'll think of this? Is this writer on the level, somewhat demented, but on the level? Or is someone out there playing a mild hoax?

NO MORE FANTASIES, PLEASE

I likes this one!






It's been a busy week. I'm leaving for Boise at the crack of dawn tomorrow and packing files and partials that will accompany me. Although the purpose of this visit is to help my brother and his wife as she heals from ankle surgery, it will be a working trip.

Lots of queries today and lots of "old fashioned" fantasies. I am so overloaded with queries that it's becoming a problem. So I'm initiating a moratorium on them until November 15. That's right. I need to catch up on my manuscripts and partials and hope the flow of queries will slow a bit for the next month and a half.

So, off to Boise I go while Jon (and Norton and Wylie) hold down the office. As you can see, the manuscripts are in capable paws.

"ABUSED GUY," AIRPORT BOOKS & WRITING

I've never claimed to be the sharpest sword in the stone tech-wise. I have not yet figured out how to tweak this blog so that comments can be seen without going to another page. So, for you guys who don't like to jump pages, I'm going to post one here today and will continue to do so until I figure out a more streamlined way to bring these good comments to your attention. The following is from a reader in response to the post about an author I now call "Abused Guy," the writer who queries me and lots of other agents EVERY DAY with the same query:

What is UP with the abused woman composer guy? I just today saw some slightly older posts from J. Lyons and J. Faust about this exact same query. And there are at least two more reputable agents who posted in the comments that they're getting the same thing.Where did he get the idea that constant badgering was going to work? I'm fascinated, yet repulsed.

I'm fascinated too, and often, p---ed off! I've deleted Lee W's query over 20 times this month. Someday, maybe we'll know the whole story. Until then, I keep my delete button polished and at the ready.

It's been a chaotic time here on Cricklewood Cove. Jon's dad is now under hospice care in Chicago and Jon returned yesterday, sadder but wiser about hospitals, docs, and the mishmash we call our health system.

I've been less than efficient in running our businesses in his absence and I apologize to all of you whose partials or manuscripts are in our possession. Next week we'll be better, I assure you.

Jon came back with several "airport books," those titles that you wouldn't buy ordinarily, but now that you're in an airport, well.....

I asked him about one by Lee Child that was tossed out of his briefcase. "It's not nearly as good as several of the partials we're considering," he said.

Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it? We are becoming extremely picky about what we take into our agency because the editors we pitch are so picky. Yet Jon said the protagonist in the Child book was like a bad, featureless paper doll. "There was nothing there that made me want to read on," he said.

I shouldn't be too hard on Child. (I've never read his books.) Jon had just finished the newest James Lee Burke novel and who can come up to that? But I guess the message here is to craft your characters well. Lee Child writes to a formula, but it's not a formula that resonates with Jon or me. Do you have a formula?

SOMETIMES IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

I'm muttering to myself this morning because the cats are out sunning themselves and Jon is still in Chicago.

I'm catching up on queries so I can then catch up on partials and finally get to manuscripts. Today's mantra in my mind is, "Sometimes it's just not fair!"

It's not fair to authors that we agents have our own little quirks, likes and dislikes and that we can dismiss a perfectly good query--maybe a great query--because of our biases. I have so many queries to go through each day that I have a standard "boiler plate no thank you." I very seldom diverge from this. But I just rejected a fine query for a police procedural and it gave me pause. The author may truly be the next big thing, but I rejected him. Why? Because the topic of the novel is the kidnapping and murder of little girls. Can't do it. Sorry. It's my own little problem. I can't deal with child abuse.

I can't deal with animal abuse either, nor most religious topics, nor angels, nor swords and dragons. It's not that those topics aren't hot stuff with some editors and publishers, it's just that I can't stomach them. Yet I continue to get scores of queries each week on these topics.

So, my words for the day are, "Take heart." When you get a rejection it may not be that you have a lousy query. It may be that the agent simply hates your topic, not your writing. It happens! Don't take it personally. Read agents' write-ups in the books; read their websites and blogs and then send to those who really like your topics. It will save us all a lot of muttering.

QUERY DAY

It's Query Tuesday--gird your loins, for I'm on another rant!

• Three more "abused woman composers," my personal burr under the saddle.
• Several queries to "Kate," "Kay" and K. "Treinster." Does it really take that much time to get the agent's name spelled correctly?
• Oh, the bad grammar out there. It's even worse in some cases, than the spelling. Forgive me if I'm harsh, but if you're querying me you want to be a writer, correct? And, as a writer, you know the tools of your trade, correct? Then why or why do we continue to get queries that an 8th grade grammar teacher would throw out?
• I'm still getting "querries," "quaries" and "quares." Huh?
• "I have a fabulous fantasy about a wizard and dragons. Interested?" NO. Contemporary fantasy only.
• Guilt trips, oh, my heavens, do I hate guilt trips. "Dear Ms. Tienstra: I'm at the end of my rope; you my last hope. Please, please take my book."

OK. I'm done. I love queries, I really do. But what I really love is when y'all get it right!

QUERIES 101

First, let me thank Deb Schubert again for giving us such an insightful view of her experiences at two writing conferences. This kind of information is invaluable for writers, agents and editors.

I'm knee-deep in emailed queries this morning. It's my own fault. I have not been as diligent as necessary. I've endured several more queries about the "abused woman composer." I sure would like to know the back story there. I'm working through queries sent in May and should be into June by the end of the week. Progress is being made.

I'm still receiving queries for the following genres. PLEASE DON'T SEND THESE TO ME:

• Fantasy. If they are not contemporary, I'm not interested.
• Science fiction. Send them to jon@ktpublicrelations.com, not me.
• Attachments. If they are not requested, I won't open them and will delete the entire email.
• Loooooong queries in tiny print with no paragraphs. Ugh.
• Thrillers (with lots of car chases, espionage, and explosions). Ugh. Send them to Jon. (See above.) He's a real guy and often enjoys this stuff.

Sorry to keep harping on this kind of thing, but it makes the entire process much smoother if we all understand each other.

ODDS AND ENDS

Rainy and cloudy again here. It's been a peculiar spring in the Northeast. Two weeks ago it was so hot that we turned on the air conditioning. My daughter and I went to NYC to see "Rock of Ages" (loved it!) and sweltered in the hot sun waiting for tickets. A few days after the hot spell it began to rain and we haven't seen the sun for days and days. Back to sweatpants, long-sleeved shirts and hot tea.

The hot spell forced all the spring trees to blossom at once and now we have the end of the forsythias in combination with lilacs, dogwoods, cherries, and now honeysuckle. Beautiful-odd, but beautiful. The hummingbirds have returned from South America and I worry about them shivering in the cold.

A morning of queries. Would you believe it? Two more "literary" queries from the "abused woman" author(s). Maybe this is a scam designed to drive agents nuts and will eventually land a book contract for the demon behind the whole affair.

Amazon.com, Inc. announced that it will increase its fees for "wireless transfer of personal documents to a user's Kindle." The article goes on: "The fact that Amazon feels it necessary to up the charges means the service must be proving popular, and that fits in with anecdotal evidence that e-readers are mostly being used to read documents rather than magazines and/or books. Anyone who's job involves, say, reading reams of Ofcom reports and radio-spectrum analysis will love a device that enables easy transportation and keeps track of progress - not to mention removing the intimidating heap of paper from the desk."

OK. Here's the question of the day for those of you who are Kindle-owners. Do you read books / magazines / newspapers on Kindle or do you read your own documents? I have been lusting after the Kindle because it would be a great way to read manuscripts. But, can I afford it?

QUALMS ABOUT QUERIES

I've spent the past two mornings elbow-deep in emailed queries. As usual, I'm feeling both exhilarated and depressed.

I'm exhilarated because there are so many creative writers, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and doing their level best to find someone who agrees that they have talent. They read our blog, they read our profiles in Jeff Herman's book and on various writers' websites. They work hard to craft their queries and they don't waste our time with meaningless drivel.

I'm depressed because, like most agents, we have to turn down most of the queries. Some of the queries we turn down are just great--problem is they simply don't resonate with either of us. Some of the turn downs are rejected because they too closely match projects we are already representing. When I reject these I feel bad because they are truly worthy. My hope is that other agents will snap these up.

But what REALLY is depressing is that there are so many people out there who still don't get it. They don't know what we want, they don't know the business, they are clueless! Even worse, the art of writing eludes these folks; the queries are so awful, I can't imagine what their "books" are. So, please bear with me while I vent about this category of queries. After all, it is my blog and I can vent if I want to!

Vent number 1--The person who flatters us with false information. "I am so impressed with your vast list of formidable clients." Huh? Last time I checked our "list of clients" was nice, certainly not vast. Formidable? Oh, please!

Vent number 2--Clueless in California. "My project is an 89,000 word fictional novel." Really? No nonfiction novels? IF IT'S A NOVEL IT'S FICTION.

Vent number 3--Stooping to consider our services. "You may be fit for my completed 91,000 word middle-grade urban fantasy." Sorry, I checked our fitness quotient. We failed.

Vent number 4--Get with the program. "My work is a 48,500 word supernatural horror story." Story is right. More words, please. Bare minimum is 60,000; our preference is 100,000.

AND Vent number 5--THE PRIZE WINNER. "An abused woman is the greatest composer who ever lived....." I have gotten this query and rejected it at least a dozen times--so has Jon. Sometimes it's from different writers. What's going on here? Anyone have any ideas?

Thanks for bearing with me today. I'm really in a good mood. Really!