IT'S NOT JUST THE WRITING

Jon received an email yesterday from an author he'd turned down at the partial stage. Jon told me that while he admired the author's writing, the content was simply too dark and troubling for Jon's taste.
Jon explained this to the author when he sent his rejection letter.
Yesterday the author wrote back telling Jon that he'd been picked up by another agent. He thanked Jon for his comments and said that, rather than discouraging him, the rejection gave him hope that another agent might see things differently.
This is not an unusual story. We often pass on projects that don't fit our own personal tastes because it's very hard to get behind a book that we don't find personally compelling.
So, when you receive rejections from agents like us think of them as stepping stones to your goal. If your writing is splendid, if the topic is unique and your voice is driving, your book will find a champion.

AUTHOR RANTS--AGENT RANTS

Here's one for the "You Can't Please Everyone" files. This email came in tonight:

i send in my query with a SASE, and the best you can do is scribble a rejection on the bottom of my own query letter and send it back to me? that's not just rude, it's unprofessional; a professional would have had the courtesy to reject my query with a form letter. wassamatta- is your printer broken? unpublished writers don't merit simple human decency?

and you people are supposed to be in charge of public relations? shame on you.

This missive annoys me for several reasons:

1. It's Jon who "scribbles" on snail mail queries. He does it because he thinks it's more personal than a form letter. This person sent the email to me--I'm innocent here. I scribble my rejections via email and don't even deal with snail mail!
2. Authors tell us time and again how happy they are to find an agent who will respond to a query in ANY fashion. Many agents simply tell authors that if they don't hear back, consider it a rejection. I've been tempted to do that but Jon thinks it's tacky (and not very professional) not to respond.
3. I'm annoyed by the tone and attitude of this email. Somehow this author thinks we don't respond with "simple human decency"--pul-eeze! Human we are and we really bend over backwards to be decent!

OK, I think I'm done now. Just needed to rant and while the author certainly merited "simple human decency," I didn't think that email merited a personal response.

SUPER-QUERY-WRITER-FOR-YOU

Just when I think I've seen everything, I discover, ta-da!! SUPER-QUERY-WRITER-FOR-U!!

Let me back up. I've been on a magnificent roll for the past week--dealing with a huge back-up of emailed queries and getting my responses down to under 4 weeks. (I'm now finishing up my November queries and am so proud of myself.) But, for the past few days I've been noticing an interesting phenomenon. I've been receiving clumps of queries for different books from different authors using different email addresses. HOWEVER, these clumped queries (sometimes as many as 8 0r 10 in a row) are virtually identical in their format, font and type size. Even the writing style of the queries is the same.

Let me explain how this works. I open query #1 for the day sent on November 10. It's a nice book, but not for me. I email my standard rejection and close and discard the rejected query. I open query # 2 from a different author with a different email address. BUT it's the identical format!! Same thing for queries # 4, 5, 6 and so on. Tonight I was really on a roll--I opened 10 of these in a row!

So what's the problem?

It seems to me that some nice authors are getting ripped off. I am assuming that these authors are paying someone to write their queries. And, to be fair, the queries are pretty good. They are brief and to the point. BUT the person writing them is sending them one after another to the same agent. Didn't that person think that it would begin to look a little fishy that all the queries look the same?

The problem is that this is annoying to this agent. I don't like it. I feel like I'm being played and soon, I stopped reading these queries and just rejected them because they were in that same confounded format!

I really don't have a huge problem with authors getting help with their queries. And, if they want to hire a pro to write a query for them, I can't complain. But, whoever is sending these queries is a bonehead. A great business idea, writing queries for a living. But, for heaven's sake, be professional about how you send them out!

Does anyone out there know more about this?

AN HOMAGE TO BREVITY

brev-i-ty n. 1. Briefness of duration. 2. Concise expression; terseness.

That's today's word, boys and girls, and I'd like you to think of it when you compose a query.

I've spent the last few days (other than a 3-day break at the beach) trying to work through the queries that have built up over the summer. I'm finally putting June to bed and will be done with July soon, I wager. I've rejected many, which is just how these things work.

When Jon and I reject queries that don't interest us, that's not a fault of the query. Many of these are well-written, but the topics just don't grab us. Sometimes we like a query very much, but don't think we can sell the book. In the past few days I've rejected queries about child prostitutes, lots of teenage super heroes, an adult fairy tale, a mislead preacher, short story collections (we don't represent short stories), and four queries sent to me and scads of other agents as listed in the "To" box, which is an automatic turn-off and DELETE. Many of these queries were quite well-written and compelling, just off-topic for me.

But, lately, I've been slogging through l-o-n-g queries, consisting of many paragraphs that require much attention just to get to the point of the thing. I know I've mentioned this before, but it's so important, it's worth another discussion.

It's September first. Autumn is on the way. Time to act like a writer and make a promise that you will remember how many queries agents read each day. Then edit your content to make your query a stand-out. Remember the word of the day: BREVITY!

NEW YEAR'S GREETINGS TO THOSE WHO SENT US QUERIES IN 2009

How can we express our appreciation for your queries? It’s such an odd relationship we have involving hope, bravery, rejection and once in a while, a glimmer of something extraordinary—for all of us.

Most often, as we all know too well, our relationship ends before it can begin and we want you to know that we grieve for every “no thank you” we send. We are always amazed by your courage, your ideas, your talent and sometimes, your madness.

Sometimes we feel like psychiatrists when the query is a raw and bleeding cry for help—an attempt to work out childhood abuse, rotten luck in love, or appalling loneliness. At these times our inadequacy is so obvious and we wish we could reach out and help. But that’s not our job.

Our job is to try to find the needle in the haystack, the idea, the skill, the talent that may have what it takes to overpower a publisher’s cynical editorial board. It’s a daunting task, but one worth pursuing. Without all of you we would be nowhere and we want you to know that.

As always, we encourage you to keep trying. If we say no, another agent might jump at your idea. If we reject your book, it may find life elsewhere. Perhaps you need to rethink your premise, to rewrite your pitch and try again. Just know that we and many other agents support your efforts and really want it to work. We know how hard you struggle and we appreciate the work you do—even when we reject it so coolly.

The face of publishing is crumbling under our feet and turning into something different. We are all hanging on for our lives, trying to figure out what our roles will be in 2010. But one thing is certain. People want to read stories and good writing will never go out of style.

Happy New Year! Jon and Kae

JURY'S IN: IT WAS A HOAX

Most of you weighed in that the "simply too busy" author wrote her astounding query with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek. Perhaps the underlying mission was to poke at agents who had rejected her.

I hope it made her feel better. Getting form rejections is no fun at all, I understand. But, for most agents, as we've discussed on this blog, the other option is no response at all and most authors don't want that either.

We receive over 100 emailed queries each week. Can you imagine how many hours we'd spend writing personal rejections? We'd have no time to read OR to sell.

So, Ms. Simply Too Busy, suck it up. If you're a fine writer and you've written an exceptional book, some lucky agent will want you to be his or her special darling. Excellent writing trumps all.

Happy weekend to all my author friends!

SOMETIMES IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

I'm muttering to myself this morning because the cats are out sunning themselves and Jon is still in Chicago.

I'm catching up on queries so I can then catch up on partials and finally get to manuscripts. Today's mantra in my mind is, "Sometimes it's just not fair!"

It's not fair to authors that we agents have our own little quirks, likes and dislikes and that we can dismiss a perfectly good query--maybe a great query--because of our biases. I have so many queries to go through each day that I have a standard "boiler plate no thank you." I very seldom diverge from this. But I just rejected a fine query for a police procedural and it gave me pause. The author may truly be the next big thing, but I rejected him. Why? Because the topic of the novel is the kidnapping and murder of little girls. Can't do it. Sorry. It's my own little problem. I can't deal with child abuse.

I can't deal with animal abuse either, nor most religious topics, nor angels, nor swords and dragons. It's not that those topics aren't hot stuff with some editors and publishers, it's just that I can't stomach them. Yet I continue to get scores of queries each week on these topics.

So, my words for the day are, "Take heart." When you get a rejection it may not be that you have a lousy query. It may be that the agent simply hates your topic, not your writing. It happens! Don't take it personally. Read agents' write-ups in the books; read their websites and blogs and then send to those who really like your topics. It will save us all a lot of muttering.

QUERY DAY

It's Query Tuesday--gird your loins, for I'm on another rant!

• Three more "abused woman composers," my personal burr under the saddle.
• Several queries to "Kate," "Kay" and K. "Treinster." Does it really take that much time to get the agent's name spelled correctly?
• Oh, the bad grammar out there. It's even worse in some cases, than the spelling. Forgive me if I'm harsh, but if you're querying me you want to be a writer, correct? And, as a writer, you know the tools of your trade, correct? Then why or why do we continue to get queries that an 8th grade grammar teacher would throw out?
• I'm still getting "querries," "quaries" and "quares." Huh?
• "I have a fabulous fantasy about a wizard and dragons. Interested?" NO. Contemporary fantasy only.
• Guilt trips, oh, my heavens, do I hate guilt trips. "Dear Ms. Tienstra: I'm at the end of my rope; you my last hope. Please, please take my book."

OK. I'm done. I love queries, I really do. But what I really love is when y'all get it right!

QUERIES 101

First, let me thank Deb Schubert again for giving us such an insightful view of her experiences at two writing conferences. This kind of information is invaluable for writers, agents and editors.

I'm knee-deep in emailed queries this morning. It's my own fault. I have not been as diligent as necessary. I've endured several more queries about the "abused woman composer." I sure would like to know the back story there. I'm working through queries sent in May and should be into June by the end of the week. Progress is being made.

I'm still receiving queries for the following genres. PLEASE DON'T SEND THESE TO ME:

• Fantasy. If they are not contemporary, I'm not interested.
• Science fiction. Send them to jon@ktpublicrelations.com, not me.
• Attachments. If they are not requested, I won't open them and will delete the entire email.
• Loooooong queries in tiny print with no paragraphs. Ugh.
• Thrillers (with lots of car chases, espionage, and explosions). Ugh. Send them to Jon. (See above.) He's a real guy and often enjoys this stuff.

Sorry to keep harping on this kind of thing, but it makes the entire process much smoother if we all understand each other.

WHY I "DREAD" THE SWORDS AND DRAGONS

Our reader Rebekah posted the following message today regarding my comment about "the dreaded sword and dragon" books:

Why are "sword and dragon" fantasies dreaded? We all have our own personal tastes, but it does seem a little inappropriate to casually trash an entire subgenre as though its uselessness were widely-known fact. There are approximately 77 kajillion people "dreading" the release of George R. R. Martin's next sword-and-dragon fantasy right about now. What will it take for people to quit treating this kind of fiction like the redheaded stepchild of the publishing industry? Not only that, but people seem not even to worry about the political incorrectness of publicly making their feelings about heroic fantasy known. It's considered gauche and unprofessional to mock, say, bodice-ripper romances (equally rife with cliches and slush-pile-fodder) in a blog like this, so why is it that writers and readers of heroic/historical fantasy are still treated as second-class citizens unworthy of the most basic, polite "to each his own" treatment?

Rebekah's comment and questions are valid, so important that I thought others would want to see what all the fuss is about. Before I begin, let me say once again that just because I don't represent a certain genre, it does not mean, necessarily, that I don't like, even love and respect that genre. It simply means that I CAN'T SELL IT. As a matter of fact, the first book I took on as an agent was a sword and dragon fantasy. It was beautifully written and I fell in love with it. I thought it would be a cinch to sell. It wasn't. Nor were the other books I've tried in this venue. Other agents are successful selling sword and dragon fantasy books; I am not. Therefore I've moved on.

Just because I dread the arrival of yet another S&D query does NOT mean that query is unworthy. It simply means I don't represent this genre and I'll have to reject the query.

Politically incorrect? Perhaps, but certainly not my intention. ("Bodice-rippers" politically incorrect--damn, I love that term!)

On the bright side--Jon still considers S&Ds. Send your queries to jon@ktpublicrelations.com. He says that he's waiting for the best-written, unique take on this genre. When he finds it, you'll hear about it here. That being said, please don't send him "rehashes of the same old thing."

I FEEL LIKE CELEBRATING!

It's Monday morning and I'm knee-deep in email queries, but had to stop. I stopped because I had a real epiphany!

Contrary to doom-and-gloom statistics, writing, story-telling and imagination are alive and well!

One look at my in-box and Jon's stack of queries, partials and manuscripts and you know it's true. You guys are amazing--truly amazing. Today alone I've read queries for a nonfiction book on parenting, several women's fiction offerings, some science fiction (which I forwarded to Jon), many, many horror novels, historical romance and more. Yes, even the dreaded "sword and dragon" fantasies continue to fill up the in-box.

But, think about it--all of you out there writing your little hearts out. Getting rejected time and time again. Hopefully improving as you go and finding groups and mentors to help you. It's truly inspiring and gratifying to be in this business where hope springs eternal--for you and for us.

I just wanted to thank you--all of you for doing what you do. Publishing may be experiencing some real hits right now, but the writing life is alive and well. So pat yourself on the back and declare this day a day of celebration for those who write stories.

DREAM MAKERS

One of the things that lured me to become a book agent was the idea of helping to make literary dreams come true. What an awesome feeling, I thought, to be the one to tell a hard-working author that I've sold his or her book to a respected publisher!

What I didn't think about too much was the flip side of this equation--telling a hard-working author that we are "passing" on his or her project. It's no fun and, unfortunately, we do this many, many, many times every day. No to the queries; no to the partials; and sometimes even no to the manuscripts. Today I had the even more poignant chore of writing to several authors who were under contract with us. The contracts have been over for some time and we've not been able to find a publisher. We had gotten very fond of some of these authors and we feel like--uh--failures when we fail. It's awful every time we have to do it and it goes to the heart of this business.

Today I resolve to be a sterner, more calculating agent--to practice a kind of tough love. So let me bare my soul (again) and tell you how I'll do this:

• I will NOT ask for partials if the query is flawed.
• If the partial is weak, even if I love it, I will NOT ask for a manuscript.
• If the manuscript doesn't knock my socks off, I will NOT ask to represent you.
• In fact, I will not ask to represent you until I have several editors and houses in mind for the work.

I love the dream maker part of this work; I hate being a grim reaper, even with queries. So forgive me for laying this on you, but I've crushed a lot of hopes today. Yet, on a positive side, I'm just one agent in a pool of thousands! So, just because we can't sell something does not mean Ms. Snark, Mr. Post or Laura Literary can't. Don't let one agent's rejection get you down. (Even if I'm that agent.) Send your work to everyone you can think of and continue to improve it as you go. That's the way dreams are made.

WHY ISN'T IT RIGHT FOR YOUR AGENCY?

Another morning of query responses. I'm continually amazed by the number of queries you all send us--some great, some so-so, some just not for us, some awful. Each week we ask a few of you to send us more. But, most of these queries are rejected--a sad fact of this business. As I've written before on this blog, we've developed a pretty standard rejection email which states that the query simply does "not meet the needs of our agency." A few days ago a rejected author asked, "Why isn't it right for your agency?" I didn't answer his question because I simply can't get into that kind of dialogue.

But I can address questions like that here. So, without further ado, here are a few reasons your project is not right for our agency:

• We don't represent the genre--If it's a memoir (unless you're Hillary Clinton or Madonna), a business book, Christian fiction, or deals with child or animal abuse, it's not for us.
• The query is badly written--Face it, if you can't write a good query, you probably can't write a good book.
• I'm bored after the first two sentences--Nuff said.
• You've told me much too much in the first paragraph--Please, please, please, don't tell me about your husband, wife, children, education, parents, job, etc. I DON'T CARE! (at this point). Later on, when we're working together, I'll care--a lot.
• You've sent us attached material. We don't open unsolicited attachments.

I could go on and on--in fact I think I have gone on and on at some point!

But let me close with the "Pip of the Day." An author asked in his query if I was the right agent for his work and if not, if I could please recommend other agents who would be better for him.

Hello? That's not our job. Get thee to a bookstore and buy a copy of Jeff Herman's Guide to Book Publishers, Editors, & Literary Agents, www.jeffherman.com/guide/. The 2009 edition should be available soon.

QUERIES: SHOULD I DELIVER THE BAD NEWS?

Jon and I have been working feverishly for the past few days, reading and responding to the snail-mailed and emailed queries that we've received this month. Like all agents, we are flooded with queries. We are so glad, because that means people are writing; even better, the writers know about us and are interested in working together.

That's the good news. The bad news is that we sometimes feel overwhelmed with the wealth of queries we receive. We try to treat each one with the respect and the attention it deserves; when we feel our attention lagging, we stop and move on to another project. Now, here's the part none of you want to hear about and I don't blame you. We reject most of the queries we receive for a variety of reasons: the topic does not interest us; we don't represent the genre; the query is poorly written and unfocused; or, in the worst-case scenario, the query is awful and so is the book idea.

With the exception of gang-queries (the ones with all the agents in the world listed in the "to" section), or the queries where the author specifies that we answer only if interested, WE RESPOND TO ALL QUERIES, usually within 6 weeks. But maybe we shouldn't. The truth is, our responses are pretty boring and are not unique. We've learned that we have to be cold and perfectly clear about the turn down. I used to say, "...your project does not meet our agency's needs at this time." I don't say that anymore. "...at this time..." acted like an open door through which many a hopeful author shoved in a foot asking, "If not now, when will you be interested?" Shades of meaning are nothing but trouble in a turn down response.

Jon and I are of two minds here. He feels very strongly that every query deserves an answer.

I am not so sure. If I delete queries that do not interest me, how would you feel? (Jon handles all snail-mail, so if that's how you query us, you'll get an answer for sure.) I know lots of other agents don't respond to any but the queries that they want to pursue. Maybe most authors assume that a non-response is a turn down. But I'm just not sure.

The responses to queries I don't want take up a lot of time--time that I could spend reading manuscripts and chapters, visiting and pitching editors, and writing this blog.

How do YOU feel about that the dreaded turn down? Would you rather get a standard "so sorry" response, or would you prefer silence from me when I'm not interested? I'm just askin'.

THAT HURTS....A LITTLE, ACTULAYY

Pretty good day for a Saturday. I spent the morning with my friend Carol tread milling and steaming at the gym. When I got home I checked my inbox and discovered a FLAMING email from an angry author. I rejected his science fiction query and he was royally outraged that I did so.

Angry Author (AA) told me I wouldn't know talent if I stepped on it. Actually, he said "You wouldn't now talent if it PAID YOU to publish." Huh?

AA said I didn't know what my agency needed. Then he listed all his books, just to make me sorry I'd passed. To quote AA again: "Here's what you miss forom actulayy working with a literate professional." What's that you say? Literate. Well, AA did spell literate correctly.

All of this information was dispensed in nasty, angry verbiage, which is this author's right. But, it's actulayy very stupid. AA and I will never work together, but agents do talk and they do blog. We don't enjoy rejecting your queries and we usually have good reasons for the rejections. Responding as AA did demonstrates that he really hasn't a clue about how this business works.

Jon and I are very fortunate because we seldom get responses like this. In fact, we seldom get any response from authors whose queries we've rejected. And that's just fine. Once in awhile, an author thanks us for our time which is very thoughtful.

So, Angry Author, I hope it made you feel better to get it off your chest. And I want to thank you for giving me a good blog topic!