I'm exhilarated because there are so many creative writers, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and doing their level best to find someone who agrees that they have talent. They read our blog, they read our profiles in Jeff Herman's book and on various writers' websites. They work hard to craft their queries and they don't waste our time with meaningless drivel.
I'm depressed because, like most agents, we have to turn down most of the queries. Some of the queries we turn down are just great--problem is they simply don't resonate with either of us. Some of the turn downs are rejected because they too closely match projects we are already representing. When I reject these I feel bad because they are truly worthy. My hope is that other agents will snap these up.
But what REALLY is depressing is that there are so many people out there who still don't get it. They don't know what we want, they don't know the business, they are clueless! Even worse, the art of writing eludes these folks; the queries are so awful, I can't imagine what their "books" are. So, please bear with me while I vent about this category of queries. After all, it is my blog and I can vent if I want to!
Vent number 1--The person who flatters us with false information. "I am so impressed with your vast list of formidable clients." Huh? Last time I checked our "list of clients" was nice, certainly not vast. Formidable? Oh, please!
Vent number 2--Clueless in California. "My project is an 89,000 word fictional novel." Really? No nonfiction novels? IF IT'S A NOVEL IT'S FICTION.
Vent number 3--Stooping to consider our services. "You may be fit for my completed 91,000 word middle-grade urban fantasy." Sorry, I checked our fitness quotient. We failed.
Vent number 4--Get with the program. "My work is a 48,500 word supernatural horror story." Story is right. More words, please. Bare minimum is 60,000; our preference is 100,000.
AND Vent number 5--THE PRIZE WINNER. "An abused woman is the greatest composer who ever lived....." I have gotten this query and rejected it at least a dozen times--so has Jon. Sometimes it's from different writers. What's going on here? Anyone have any ideas?
Thanks for bearing with me today. I'm really in a good mood. Really!