SOMETIMES IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!

I'm muttering to myself this morning because the cats are out sunning themselves and Jon is still in Chicago.

I'm catching up on queries so I can then catch up on partials and finally get to manuscripts. Today's mantra in my mind is, "Sometimes it's just not fair!"

It's not fair to authors that we agents have our own little quirks, likes and dislikes and that we can dismiss a perfectly good query--maybe a great query--because of our biases. I have so many queries to go through each day that I have a standard "boiler plate no thank you." I very seldom diverge from this. But I just rejected a fine query for a police procedural and it gave me pause. The author may truly be the next big thing, but I rejected him. Why? Because the topic of the novel is the kidnapping and murder of little girls. Can't do it. Sorry. It's my own little problem. I can't deal with child abuse.

I can't deal with animal abuse either, nor most religious topics, nor angels, nor swords and dragons. It's not that those topics aren't hot stuff with some editors and publishers, it's just that I can't stomach them. Yet I continue to get scores of queries each week on these topics.

So, my words for the day are, "Take heart." When you get a rejection it may not be that you have a lousy query. It may be that the agent simply hates your topic, not your writing. It happens! Don't take it personally. Read agents' write-ups in the books; read their websites and blogs and then send to those who really like your topics. It will save us all a lot of muttering.

QUERY DAY

It's Query Tuesday--gird your loins, for I'm on another rant!

• Three more "abused woman composers," my personal burr under the saddle.
• Several queries to "Kate," "Kay" and K. "Treinster." Does it really take that much time to get the agent's name spelled correctly?
• Oh, the bad grammar out there. It's even worse in some cases, than the spelling. Forgive me if I'm harsh, but if you're querying me you want to be a writer, correct? And, as a writer, you know the tools of your trade, correct? Then why or why do we continue to get queries that an 8th grade grammar teacher would throw out?
• I'm still getting "querries," "quaries" and "quares." Huh?
• "I have a fabulous fantasy about a wizard and dragons. Interested?" NO. Contemporary fantasy only.
• Guilt trips, oh, my heavens, do I hate guilt trips. "Dear Ms. Tienstra: I'm at the end of my rope; you my last hope. Please, please take my book."

OK. I'm done. I love queries, I really do. But what I really love is when y'all get it right!

INDEPENDENCE DAY

"Fireworks, who needs stinking fireworks?"

By the look of my inbox, lots of folks have taken off for the holiday weekend. (I emailed a press release yesterday to 200 health editors at newspapers and 20 bounced back as "out of the office.") We're not going anywhere this weekend, preferring to use the time here. Jon's got a stack of partials and manuscripts to read and so do I.

OK, even though Norton opposes it, we will go to a nearby park for the fabulous fireworks display brought to us each year by the local mortician. Yep, that's right, the mortician. Think about it--it's great PR! Blast off with us...before you blast off for good!!

Since it's the start of the holiday weekend, I have some random thoughts to air, some book-related, some not.

• On the query front--another "abused woman, greatest composer." When will it end?
• We've always asked for partials and manuscripts in hard-copy format. We're beginning to change that policy. I'm asking for manuscripts to be sent electronically and partials will follow soon, I expect. Jon is wedded to his hard copies, and he's not unlike a large ocean liner, difficult to turn around. But eventually, he too will be reading online I suspect.
• I want to get an electronic reader that allows me to load in partials and manuscripts. Any suggestions? Does Kindle do this?
• As I've mentioned before, I read constantly--not just partials and manuscripts, but books. I'm reading Hotel Paradise by Martha Grimes now. It was published over 10 years ago, but it is worth your time if you like cozies. Grimes is so brilliant in relating back story.
• I'm also reading an advance copy of a book I picked up at BEA called Friend of the Family, published by Algonquin. The author writes with a precision and flair that keeps me turning pages. She's not Jodi Picoult, but she's every bit as good. I'll give you her name in another post.
• Jon's off to Chicago next week. I'll be busier than ever here.
• When Jon returns we'll gear up for 3 days of grandsons Rob (age 4) and Max (age almost 2) while their parents go camping.

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Take a break from your writing. Eat a hot dog. ENJOY YOURSELVES!

WHAT IS GREAT SCIENCE FICTION?

Jon is grumbling and wringing his hands tonight. He just got another publisher rejection for his dark steampunk novel entitled The Nightmare Sun. Jon is a real sci-fi head, reared on Isaac Asimov, Ray Bradbury and other greats. In his opinion, The Nightmare Sun is a real contender. But he's been rejected several times at houses we thought were shoo-ins. What to do?

The Nightmare Sun has it all--dark, gritty action, a tough and harrowing plot-line, likable protagonist, monsters, and robots. What more could you want? Apparently our editor friends want something else, though none have been able to articulate just what that "something" is. 'Tis a puzzlement! I guess we feel just like you do when agent after agent tells you your work is not for them.

So, like you, we persevere. I still believe that there's an agent and a publisher out there for every good book. It's up to you and to us to find them!

Jon's next challenge is another sci-fi, this one a space opera entitled Savannah Rane. I love this book and its kick-ass female protagonist who raises cane and battles really skanky enemies. I can see the jacket now and eeeeww the slithery thing bedevils Savannah and defies description. He (she, it) makes Jabba the Hut look like a teddy bear.

Tomorrow's another day--perhaps it's the day we'll find homes for The Nightmare Sun and Savannah Rane.

NORA ROBERTS AND REAL ROMANCE

Whether you write women's fiction, science fiction, YA, fantasy, romance or literary fiction--even nonfiction, you should read the profile of Nora Roberts in the June 22 issue of The New Yorker magazine. "Real Romance: How Nora Roberts became America's most popular novelist" by Lauren Collins takes the "romance" out of the writing life. Roberts, who grosses sixty million dollars a year for her books, has one key commandment of writing: "Ass in the chair."

"You know," she says, "writing's creative and all this, certainly, but you don't just wander around dreaming. That's not what you're getting paid for."

"People go, 'Oh, you work six or eight hours a day, oh my God!' Well, yeah, how many hours do you work?.....this is my job. And I think people who"--she hesitated for a moment--"have more of an artistic bent, they're just not as productive, and their writing is probably not any better than mine at the end of the day."

Collins estimates that it takes Roberts, on average, forty-five work-days to write a book. "Roberts, who, as J. D. Robb, also writes futuristic police procedurals, has written a hundred and eighty-two novels, in addition to short stories and novellas. In a typical year, she publishes five "new Noras": two installments of a paperback original trilogy; two J. D. Robb books; and, each summer, what her editor Leslie Gelbman, refers to as the 'big Nora'--a hardcover stand-alone romance novel."

Nora Roberts is not every one's idea of a great writer, but you can't argue with her productivity. What can you learn from this dynamo?

• AIC--Ass in the chair, each day, every day. It's the way books are made.
• OOC--Get your head Out of the Clouds. It's your business to be a writer and that takes hard work. Go out, look at the sky, think about your characters, and then, start writing!
• Learn how to write dialogue--If you're a fiction writer, it will save your butt.
• Learn how to research--Roberts uses the Internet, you can too.
• Engage your reader--Create characters that readers can relate to.

So Happy Father's Day! Kiss your dad on the forehead or give him the homage of your choice. Then, get busy!

SHAMELESS PROMOTION DAY!

I am so excited! The cover for Town in a Blueberry Jam is completed and I think it's perfect! What do you think? The book will be published by Berkley's Prime Crime in February 2010.

And, the coauthor of our (as yet unpublished) Dear Daycare Parent, has launched her new blog by the same name.

Anyone who has a child in daycare or knows families with children in daycare should add this blog to their favorite places. Authors Jacqueline Rioux and Jo-Ann Parylak have a combined 35 years of experience as daycare directors and they know of what they speak. Their book is designed to help parents and others with all the thorny issues of daycare and their blog will give you a taste of what's to come.

PUBLICISTS OR AGENTS? GOOD QUESTION

OMG--Two posts in one day? Yep. Our reader "Reason Reanimator" just posted the following questions. Because we are unique, bi-tasking agents and because others ask us how it works, I felt it was important to answer RR's questions for all to see.

Reason Reanimator: Hi. I've always been a fan of Rodale's books and information. Years ago I found an old copy of Make Compost In 14 Days squeezed in among my husband's grandparents' books--I immediately asked if I could have it. And I've still got it! I think that you worked there for years is very cool.

New Literary Agents: I'm glad you like Rodale books. I think it's cool I worked there too. It was better than going to grad school and I still have dreams about Bob Rodale--he was the genuine article!

RR: I'm confused over how you can wear both agent hats and publicist hats; they seem conflicting roles in at least one way. Publicists tend to take on works easier than agents could because publicists are typically paid ahead of time.

NLA: We operate our two businesses in parallel fashion. Publishers and published authors hire us after a book is published to work on the publicity campaign for the book. They pay us to do that work. We sometimes are hired to work on retainer for publishers.

As literary agents we take on authors whose books we think we can sell to publishers. Like all ethical agents, we take NO MONEY from our literary agency authors. If we sell a client's work we take the standard 15% cut of the advances and royalties paid by the publisher. We DO NOT take money to publicize our literary agency client's work. We do, however, talk up the books after they are published and try to get a good publicity clause in the contract with the publisher.

RR: So, theoretically at least, as an agent you could reject representing a manuscript but as a publicist wind up representing that finished book in future.

NLA: Possible, but hasn't happened yet. If it does, you'll be the first to hear about it!

RR: I should say that I'm down on agents (sorry about that), but I'm not down on publicists; especially because of the increased "noise" in society, good publicists are probably needed now more than ever. But simply put: someday you could find yourself publicizing a book you'd previously rejected as a manuscript. Wouldn't that be a little like, well, eating crow (so maybe you ultimately wouldn't publicize a book like that then lol)? ...Hmmm, maybe more agents should become publicists too. Maybe they'd learn more humility about what "quality writing" is, how well they know publishers--and especially how well they "know the reading public"! Everyone probably wishes they crystal-ball knew what would sell, but I think comparatively few people even come close to guessing with high accuracy.

NLA: I'm sorry you're down on agents too, but glad you like publicists. (By the way, did I mention I'm a Gemini?) But let's talk about why we reject so many projects. Sometimes the book is just not good enough. Or, the book may be fine but it just doesn't resonate with us. We have to be PASSIONATE about a book to sell it to an editor. And quite often we pass because we simply don't think we have the contacts necessary to sell the book. It just happened this morning. I rejected a potentially winning book on weight-loss, not because it wasn't good, but because I don't have a clue how I could sell it. I'm thrilled when a book we reject gets snapped up by someone else. It means the system is still working. And, BTW, there are other agent/publicists out there!

RR: Your blog seems low-key, personal and more writer friendly; I cannot say the same for most others. I'm curious if your place will remain the same the longer you're at the agenting role. I do think that the nicest agents tend to be the newest ones. In general, publishing burns out most people pretty fast. WHY has always been beyond me. Publishing's hardly air-traffic controlling! I worked in and for a large nonfiction house myself--quite a tiring job at the quarter ends, but other than that, not much stress.Anyway, good luck to you!

NLA: Thank you for the compliment! I guess you'll just have to keep reading to see if I turn into the wicked witch of Fogelsville. If you have other questions about the way we work, we'd love to hear them. Jon just said that he when he's in the midst of logging in and reading partials and manuscripts, answering queries and keeping it all organized, he feels he IS an (air) traffic controller! But, meanwhile it's a beautiul day in the neighborhood and we love our jobs!